A new demographic marker - when Lime bikes descend like swarms of locusts

 Lime bikes are getting people's backs up in all parts of town, mainly for being thoughtlessly dumped on narrow pavements, blocking entrances, 

Here we're generally pro-bike, so it seems a shame to come down on these rental contraptions. But, apart from being a blot on the landscape (a grim achievement, given the beauty of a simple bicycle) and sometimes being ridden by dangerously careless or clueless individuals, these bikes are also a particular menace for other cyclists all over town.

For example, the racks for normal cycles outside most tube and rail stations in the most yuppified parts of London. (Sticking with the word yuppy for its perfect associations with young "professional" incomers to London, with plenty of money but little interest in the communities they barge into. The current use of Gen Z or X or Millennials seems ageist, too vague and too generalised).

You couldn't get more neo-yuppy than Clapham South, and that's where, at certain times, you'll see huge clusters of rental bikes around the station entrance. Trouble is those bikes are very heavy and very difficult to lug around, especially as they're locked/immobilised until you rent one. So you have to hunt for accessible bike parking.

Ironic to see full racks of Santander bikes about 30 yards down the road. 

I've never seen such a profusion of green, black and white plastic in other parts of town, but all around here they appear suddenly at some puzzling location, maybe near a new shop or café, where they're dumped and I suppose forgotten until the Lime collector does its rounds, if there is such a thing?

I've never tried one of these, mainly because they require use of a smartphone (I think).  I've tried Boris bikes and their equivalents in other European cities, and was generally impressed with their robustness and simplicity. But these were not electric-assisted and thus lighter (but still heavy by my standards).

As for Lime and their rivals, well it seems their time could be up. They are so dangerous for so many reasons. Brent Council is likely to be first to ban them unless they promise to provide designated parking places. But that would be very expensive to provide and also reduce their attractiveness to lazier commuters.

Only recently realised that the people taking phone snaps of these bikes are probably not bike-spotters but are taking them as evidence of where they dropped the thing. Oh, how very 2024, yee-euch.

"Go home or face arrest" campaign: do they actually want more riots?

In all the rows over the government's latest wheeze to cut down on illegal immigrant workers, two pretty obvious objections do not seem to have been raised.

The “Go home or face arrest” poster campaign is such  a brilliant idea,  you have to wonder which super-brain adviser thought it up. Problem: there are too many immigrants entering the country and working illegally.    Many of them cannot even speak English, we are told. Like, we are so great at speaking foreign languages wherever we decide to plonk of xxxl arses.

Anyway, this is what our marvellous government, led by the splendid estate agent-in-chief David Cameron thinks is the  "big problem" facing our "big society".  Solution: Stick an enormous poster on the sites of  mobile hoarding vans and drive them around areas where it is assumed most of these illegals carry out their nefarious business. Such as Brent.

Make sure the poster is as nasty and threatening as possible: "106 arrests last week in your area".

Above, make sure it is in language that your target audience understands. That's, er, English?

The campaign has been rubbished by almost all, including the party it was clearly meant to undermine, UKIP. It's crass, offensive, stupid, everyone (well, almost everyone) agrees on that. Except the Governement, which seems to believe the £10,000 pilot was a success and is now talking of extending it around the country.

Amazing that Boris should support putting these large, polluting vehicles on the already over-crowded roads of north west London. They pollute not just with their exhaust gas but also with their hideous message - and with the sheer ugliness of the huge poster design and the ludicrous vehicle that is displaying it.

It's like they are asking for new riots. I would be sorely tempted to throw something at one of these vans if it came down my street. I hope they pay their drivers very well.

Footnote: eventually even the government realised this jolly little brainwave wasn't really helping anyone, and the minster responsible - Home Sec Theresa May - scrapped plans for a national "roll-out".
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