No, I don't have a "smart speaker" at home. And I never will, thanks very much.

What is the four-word sequence most often repeated across all BBC radio stations?

I don't have proof for this, but I'd say the phrase that has struck my eardrums more than any other over the past two years is, "ask your smart speaker..."

This message is repeated so regularly, and with such urgency, across so many stations (I've even heard versions of it on Radio 3 recently) that I can't help feeling someone at the BBC is on extremely good terms with some consumer electronics suppliers.

Why else would they be urging us to use these mysterious products? Surely if we're already listening to BBC local radio, Radio 4, or whatever, you don't need a "smart" anything to find it again? My sad experiences with other "smart" technology (ie, phones) suggests the clever speaker would almost certainly serve up the wrong channel and refuse to find what I really wanted.

I do remember, well over a decade ago, being invited round to drinks with some former neighbours who wanted to show off their latest gadget - a sound system with "Alexa", an early version of this smart speaker craze. The entertainment we would have asking Alexa to find some obscure piece of music, then crying with laughter at the unlikely alternatives it played for us, lasted for roughly the first bottle of wine. And that was it. 

I could not then imagine that, all these years later, I would be driven mad being urged, every half hour or so,  to ask one of these devices to find one of three stations I listen to most often. 

I might of course ask it to find me the most recent edition of Point of View featuring a favourite such as Will Self or A L Kennedy. Would it tell me the BBC scrapped this gem of a programme over a year ago? Never has ten minutes of radio airtime been more intelligently used than in many of those broadcasts. I suppose the speaker would just send me to the well-stocked BBC Sounds archive. But it ain't the same....

Oh well, just another topic for endless grouchiness in this and other outlets. Further miserabilist rants are in the pipeline.

Meanwhile, no. I don't have a smart speaker, and I am determined never to have one.

This post was written in spring 2023, when these blatant plugs for "smart speakers" were already annoying interruptions to listening on some BBC radio stations. One of the main culprits was BBC Radio London, but it's clear the same promos are playing out on local radio all round the UK. 

No doubt the BBC feels it has to promote itself this way because so many more people are using these voice-activated audio devices. Alongside this, more BBC radio content is being re-packaged as "podcasts" for BBC Sounds online.

Has anyone noticed how some presenters are now poking gentle fun at smart speakers?

That's just one of many things I love about the crazy BBC.